10 Reason Why I’m a (not so) Good Mom

I have a 6 year old son at home and these are some of the reasons I am a (not so) good mom - though I’m sure there are more ;)

No cable TV.  With access to all the networks websites and Netflix instant view, there is more than enough to choose from.  Instead of the show schedule controlling my day, I get to control the viewing length and time.  The big reason: we fight less when there is no TV!

We don’t get to watch all the shows the other kids do.  Luckily Netflix rates all the shows and movies. We just moved up from PG to Y7, but I do not allow FV (Fantasy Violence).  I also minimize the ones where characters are very sarcastic, bratty, or continually bully.  We have found a lot of great shows like the documentary on Monster Trucks, Mighty Machines, and the All About series (cars, trucks, etc).  If we dig around a little, there are some out of the norm shows and he learns a lot of cool stuff from those.

No music videos: He figured out youtube.  New house rule: we listen to our music we don’t watch it.

I will not allow game systems in the house.  Again, there is more free game websites available today than I could have dreamed of at his age.  His favorite game at a friend’s house is Just Dance.  After a long conversation where he tried to convince me we needed to buy a Wii, I found all the Just Dance songs on youtube.  We dance for free and play with “real” toys the rest of the time.

There is a chore chart on the fridge.  It has 5 chores on it that are age appropriate.  He is required to pick up after himself with out pay, but has the opportunity to earn money if he decides to work.  There is no punishment for not working the chart and we rotate new chores in every 6 months.  Some that he mastered go off the payroll and become part of his routine because as we grow up responsibility and freedom both increase equally.

Dave Ramsey’s spend, save, and give pouches.  When my son gets his commission from working, I require him to budget it in the 3 categories.  He puts 10% or more in give, about half in save, and the rest in spend.  He has saved over $200 last year for his “big boy car” already.

I make him buy his own toys.  There are too many pieces and parts all over my house.  If it is not a holiday and he really “has to have” something, I encourage him to find extra jobs around the house to pile up some cash for the goal.  Many times he does and he really treasures those toys.  Other times he loses interest part of the way to earning it.  If we are lucky, he find a comparable item for less than $1 at the church thrift shop on Saturday morning.  Those are jackpot days!

Thrift store clothing.  We go to Value World or Salvation Army on sale days for clothes.  He gets to pick out anything he will wear in his size.  And that is only when we are in between generous hand-me-down gifts from a friend.

I encourage him to donate his toys.  After a few months, the new thrift store and garage sale finds pile up.  I leave box on the floor of his room to fill with toys that are “too baby” to give to another child.  Sometimes we walk them over to the 2 year old neighbor and there is so much joy in that transaction. 

I make him drink my herbal concoction to cure oncoming cold/flu symptoms.  Rather than co-pays and antibiotics, for $5 I can buy bulk herbs at a health food store that make enough tea to last me all year.  I mix my special brew with apple juice and call it “cider” because it is loaded up with cinnamon and cloves to mask the horrible tasting good stuff I put in there to kill the germs.  It takes care of the barky sounding cough, and all the ear infections we used to have.  When I catch things early, we have very few sick days at home.

Despite all this, he still tells me he loves me every day J

Health tip: the Hot Bath

When I start to feel under the weather, I take action.  At the hint of a headache, cramp, beginning of cold or flu symptoms or muscle aches, my favorite remedy is a hot bath.  A bath can be as elaborate or simple as you want it.  Check out books like Water Magic, if you want more elaborate information.   Here’s my recipe, which works best just before bed. 

1. Light a candle  or nightlight.  As you diminish other sensory input, the mind is able slip into a relaxation state more easily.  
2. Stay hydrated.  I like to have hot herbal tea and a big glass of ice water nearby for sipping.
3. Throw ½ cup of Epsom or sea salt in the tub.  If you have muscle pain add ¼ cup of baking soda.  Another nice option is a couple drops of pure lavender essential oil if you have it.  Avoid anything perfumed or unnaturally scented.
4. Have 2 wash cloths and/or loofah handy.

Step one:  It is ideal to have the water as hot as you can stand it.  This causes vasodilation, a widening of the blood vessels which lowers blood pressure and moves more oxygen to the muscles.  I suggest getting in the bath as you begin to fill the tub with water.  This allows you to get used to the water more quickly.

When the tub is as full as desired, lay submerged in the water and take 5 minutes to clear your mind and deepen your breath.  At any time if you feel dizzy or faint, drink the cold water or turn the cold tap on lightly and keep your feet in the stream.   When I performed hydrotherapy treatments for an Aveda spa in Honolulu we swept cooler water up over the body (cold flush) for a refreshing sensation.

Step 2: The second part of the bath is important. Take the wash cloth or loofah and begin to gently scrub the body.  I usually start on the thighs and work my way down covering all the surface area. This works to move and decongest the lymphatic fluid under the skin.  You can increase pressure as desired. Work your way down the legs and pay special attention to the feet.  In Reflexology, each part of the foot is linked with a part of the body.   Really good attention to the feet can cause the rest of the body to feel much better.  Scrub in between the bones on the top of the foot, the toes, arch and around the ankle.  Then give yourself a nice foot massage before scrubbing the arms, chest and back.

Step 3: Adjust the temperature.  Put a hot cloth on the face, sip on the liquids, and relax as long as possible.  Afterwards finish drinking and head to bed.  You should be feeling much better by morning.  But if there are still symptoms the next day, repeat the bath again. 

 

There are many other things you can do in conjunction with this to boost your immunity as well.  Let me know what methods work for you!

Acceptance

About a year ago I was moved to a new desk at work.  Pinned to the wall in my cubicle was this poem.

"Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment."

I found out it comes from the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I really liked the poem and left it up.  When I found myself getting frustrated with people and situations at work, the poem would always be right there keeping me in check.  It is a gentle reminder of what I learned in massage school many years ago, "stress" is a person's reaction to events in their life. 

The poem reminded me to take responsibility for what I can control - myself, my outlook, and those thoughts are created after the initial stressor comes onto my radar.  Eventually I left the job, and I also left the poem pinned up for the next person that would occupy the desk.  And I leave it also for you. 

Better late than never.

I took a break from blogging and it went on much longer than I planned.
Actually, in my head I never stopped.  I would have these long running internal conversations while driving, making dinner or about to fall asleep.  Such great ideas in fact, that I would rush to find a little slip of paper to jot them down before I forgot.  Unfortunately I did not carve out the time to type them here.  I won’t get into the details of how crazy my summer was and how busy my fall was.  What I will tell you is this, after I kept saying yes to yet one more "little" thing, my time budget was over extended.  I promised too much time to multiple projects and ended up borrowing time from my family, my sleep, and things that I love, writing being one of them. 

The good news is I got through it and nobody died.  I graduated from college (finally), worked enough to get ahead on financial goals.  And was also able to do some really cool projects that I will talk about later.  None of this would have been possible without the support of my husband Matt and the patience of our children.

The bad news:  it was uncomfortable and all the other areas of my life have been neglected.  I have some resting, healing, and catching up to do.  But better late than never, I suppose.

The learning that occurred outside the classroom was maybe more valuable than the credits I earned.  I learned how to push myself and found that my capabilities exceeded my expectation.  I located my threshold and learned when to pull back to a healthier pace.  I learned how to grab opportunities that come my way and how to say no.  I let some stuff go, I met new people, I learned how to have an impact on the lives of others even before I have everything figured out.  I found my passion and my voice.  (Thanks Prof. Ward for making us do a blog)

So I am back, feeling like a much different person and with an expanse of things I am excited to share about wellness.  The plan is to go beyond just finances to include many other types of personal wellness/healthy lifestyle: emotional, spiritual, physical and what ever pops up.  I want this to be a place of sharing that feeds you in some way and I hope you will be part of the conversation.

Thanks for reading!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Giving gifts on Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be a great expense.  Especially if you can tap into what really matters to that special woman in your life.  According to Gary Chapman, author of the Five Love Languages, there are different ways that people receive love.

1. Does mom respond well to words of affirmation, praise, and compliments?  Try decorating a jar and filling it with paper hearts, each one listing a reason why you love her.
2. Does she appreciate quality time together?  Plan a day together doing her favorite things.
3. Does she need a gift to hold in her hand and feel loved?  Homemade gifts can be real treasures.  Use your talents to create something unique and personal.   
4. Do acts of service fill up her love tank?  Maybe there is a project around the house that she’s been on her mind, but needs help with.  If not, plan to cook or clean while mom puts her feet up today. 
5. Does physical touch help her feel adored?  Create a warm water footbath out of a plastic dishpan and Epsom salt.  Then find the nicest lotion in the house and give her a foot massage.  Not sure how to do that; check out a book from the library. 

Knowing which language mom best receives love can help you tailor a gift that will be really meaningful to her.  Keep in mind, the language she receives love may not be the same language you give love.  So if by doing something different this mother's day you do not feel filled up; remember the focus is to be on her, not you.  It is better to give than to receive.  Have a wonderful Mother's Day!

What's in the Pantry?

Here’s another spring-cleaning tip for your home and finances.  Something we do about every 6 months is clean out the pantry.  By this I mean, we eat everything up from the freezer and cupboards.  We meal plan around the items that are stored and only buy what is needed to complete a meal based on what is in the house.  

As winter turns to spring, all those canned beans I stocked up on for chili can now be in mexi wraps or salads.  I also like to make pizzas and banana bread to use up the flour so it does not sit in my pantry during the hot, humid summer months when baking is banned from our house.

Old or spoiled items (rare) get thrown out.  If we will never use it, the food pantry donation bin gets it, along with a few other things.

If you bring the family together on a Saturday, planning meals around what you have can be a fun and creative game.  I did a similar exercise this week in my Financial Peace class.  I held up a can of great northern beans and a bag of rice.  The participants were in teams and had to come up with as many recipes using the beans, rice and two other ingredients (not including water and spices).  My winning team came up with 8 recipes!  Answers ranged from a stir-fry, soup, casserole, wraps even rice pudding with refried beans!

It was a fun exercise, and amazing to see the possible combinations.  But what does this have to do with finances?  Living off the excess we have accumulated lightens our budget. It allows us to get a little more intense with my student loan payments.  Or we can set the extra money aside for a fun summer trip so we don’t have to diminish the amount we already put toward the loan.   

Having discipline with money and making lots of little changes really pays off in the long run.  Do you have a favorite inexpensive recipe or kitchen tip to share?

On Paper, On Purpose.

Last week I started my third Financial Peace University class.  I really enjoy walking people through the steps, and watching their eyes light up when they “get it.”  There are many who transform their finances through this 13-week class.  There are others who listen, agree, and still don’t quite get their behavior to act in alignment with their new “values.” 

You have to do more than just want change, you have to make steps toward that goal and act each step of the way.  With money this can take willpower, boundaries, a paradigm shift, and sometimes a cultural one as well.  Everyone wants financial freedom, but it is unrealistic to desire your money do the right thing, when your body and mind do not have the discipline to do that.

A crucial first step is making a budget, or a cash flow plan.  I like how Dave Ramsey describes a budget as “an on paper, on purpose plan for your money before you get paid.”  I can always tell who has done their cash flow plan.  They are the ones who are excited because they took control and created wiggle room in their finances.  They are seeing progress now and have more progress projected into the future.  They feel empowered because they have a plan and are winning their life back. 

It all starts with the budget.  Forget what you think a budget is, or all the times you tried and it didn’t work.  Start with a piece of paper or an excel sheet.  Click here for a budgeting tool

• Put your monthly income at the top.  If your income is irregular click here.
• Start listing all your known monthly bills.
• Check the calendar for holidays, events, and out of the ordinary expenses coming up. List those.
• Then calculate any non-monthly bills, those that come quarterly, bi-annually, annually.  Divide the total by the number of months to figure out the monthly amount, and set it aside for when the bill comes due (6 months of car insurance for $600 would be $600/6mo = $100 month).
• Subtract the expenses from the income as you proceed down the list.

Don’t forget to include what step or goal you are working on (saving for emergencies paying off bills, or investing for retirement etc).  Stop when you hit ZERO.  This is called a zero based budget.

If you hit zero before you are finished, go back and reevaluate some of the categories.  We will discuss more ways to shave down the expenses.  I would love to hear from you!  What strategies have you used to balance your cash flow plan?